In this article, we’ll look at the “10+ signs he hates you but loves you” that might show a doesn’t like you, but at the same time, he has feelings for you. We’ll also discuss what you can do if you find yourself in a complicated relationship where there are both love and hate feelings involved.
Love is a complicated feeling. Sometimes, you can care deeply about someone, but it might not always show. In a “love-hate” relationship, your boyfriend can have moments when he loves you and moments when he doesn’t. This can lead to harsh words, even though they don’t really mean them. Such a relationship isn’t healthy and can cause issues later on. As time goes by, and feelings get more tangled, you might worry about being overwhelmed by the negative emotions.
10+ Signs He Hates You But Loves You
Do you feel like someone has mixed feelings about you, loving you one moment and hating you the next? If you suspect that someone loves you but also has moments of disliking you, here are some signs to watch for.
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1: Relationship struggles
If someone has mixed feelings about you, it can lead to a pattern of breaking up and getting back together. When you have arguments, they can be really bad and cause breakups. But after some time, the person may start missing you and want you back.
In this kind of relationship, there are often threats of breaking up after fights, which can make you feel like the person dislikes you. However, when they calm down, they come back with love and promises to commit to you. You reconcile and forget about the fight, but sadly, this cycle of breaking up and making up keeps happening.
For example, I was once in a relationship like this where we broke up and got back together more than twice a month. Over the past year, we had a relationship that wasn’t always consistent. We were together for about five months in total.
2: Beautifying disputes
Sometimes, when people are in a love-hate relationship, they make the conflicts and arguments seem like they’re part of the romance. This happens a lot in movies and books. They show that love involves drama and fighting, and that’s what people want to see.
But the truth is, if your relationship is full of fights and ups and downs, it’s not a healthy one.
If you grew up in a family where there were a lot of arguments, you might think this is how love is supposed to be. So, being in a love-hate relationship might feel normal to you.
You might even see the intense moments in your relationship as signs of passion. But, trust me, it’s not really romantic. It’s important to have a relationship that is stable and filled with love and respect.
3: Loved Ones’ Anxiety
If you’re in a love-hate relationship, your close friends and family might be worried about you. They could have told you that your boyfriend isn’t treating you well because he’s giving you mixed signals, being both loving and cold. If this is happening, it’s a sign that your relationship may not be healthy. It’s possible that your friends don’t like your boyfriend, and his friends might not like you either.
If there’s tension between your boyfriend and your friends, or if your friends express concerns about your relationship, it’s a red flag. You should pay attention to their advice because they care about you. They’re not trying to harm your relationship; they’re looking out for your well-being and trying to protect you from a harmful situation.
4: Deceptive tactics
If a guy both loves and hates you, he might do things to harm your feelings, even though he still cares about you. According to relationship therapist Daniel Harrison, these subtle acts of harm, like “forgetting” important dates or promises, can show that he has some unresolved anger or resentment towards you.
For example, if your boyfriend always forgets important events in your life, it could be because he’s upset with you, even if he still loves you. He might want to make you frustrated because he secretly resents you.
Let’s say you have a big event at work, like receiving an award, and he intentionally forgets about it. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you, but he might be trying to hurt your progress or success.
Also, if you ask him for help with something, and he conveniently “forgets” to assist you, it could be because he doesn’t want to help, even though he loves you.
5: Emotional detachment
A man who has mixed feelings, both love and hatred, towards you will act in a confusing way. He won’t be emotionally available or supportive when you need him. You can’t count on him because his behavior is inconsistent.
Furthermore, this kind of guy won’t create a safe and open space for you to express your feelings. In a love-hate relationship, your boyfriend might even get upset if you try to talk about your emotions.
Samantha Jenkins, a psychologist, explains that your boyfriend might use emotional distance as a way to protect himself when he has conflicting feelings of love and hatred for you. He’s doing it to safeguard his own emotional well-being.
6: Relationship Destination Unknown
Being in a love-hate relationship is very confusing. Sometimes, the person you’re with acts like they care about you, and other times, they want nothing to do with you.
This kind of relationship feels like a roller coaster because it has really good moments and really bad ones. You keep going through this pattern.
In a love-hate relationship, you can’t predict what’s going to happen. One day, it seems like there’s no future together, but the next day, they act like they want to be with you forever.
If someone both loves and hates you, they’ll keep you in their life without a clear plan. You won’t know where the relationship is going.
It’s like taking a road trip with lots of unexpected turns and no specific destination in mind.
Paucity of verbal connection in the relationship
In a love-hate relationship, you and your partner don’t talk much, and when you’re together, you struggle to find things to say. It’s tough to open up about your problems to your partner.
Also, if your partner has mixed feelings of both love and hate towards you, there won’t be a strong emotional connection, and you won’t feel safe being vulnerable with them. As a result, you’ll feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re together and won’t talk to your partner much.
In this kind of relationship, you may find yourself discussing your issues more with your friends and family than with your partner. For example, if you’re in a love-hate relationship, you might complain to your friends about how your boyfriend or girlfriend treats you, hoping they can provide a different perspective. For instance, I was in an on-and-off relationship, and I often talked to my friends about it. They all thought I should leave, but I kept going back to the same person.
Fragile Relationships
In a love-hate relationship, you often feel like you have to be really cautious. You’re worried that something you say or do might upset your boyfriend and he might leave you.
When your boyfriend has mixed feelings, it’s tough to be yourself. You constantly need to watch what you say and how you act because you don’t know what might make him mad.
Even in moments when your boyfriend seems upset for no clear reason, you’re still careful not to make things worse.
Unlike in a healthy relationship where you can love each other and accept flaws without worry, in a love-hate relationship, you always have to be on your guard and think before you speak or act.
Extreme Jealousy in Love
If your boyfriend both loves and hates you, he might be very jealous. Jealousy can make a love-hate relationship more intense.
Your boyfriend can get very possessive, even if he’s not treating you well. He might get upset if another guy even looks at you. This possessiveness might make you think he loves you, but it’s actually a sign of his insecurity.
A little bit of jealousy in a relationship can be okay because it shows that your boyfriend cares about you and is afraid of losing you. But in a love-hate relationship, jealousy can make things worse.
Your boyfriend might know that you deserve someone better, but he’s not ready to be a better boyfriend, and he doesn’t want to let you go. He might even invade your privacy and possibly follow you to make sure you don’t talk to other guys.
Breaking free from trauma bonds
A love-hate relationship can lead to a strong but unhealthy attachment called a trauma bond. This happens when you’re connected to someone who hurts you, either emotionally or physically.
If the person you’re involved with both loves and hates you, it can be very confusing. You might have many reasons to break free, but you keep finding one reason to stay. You may even defend them, even when others can clearly see that they’re treating you badly.
If you’re wondering if you’re in a trauma bond, here are some signs to watch out for:
- You ignore warning signs in the relationship.
- Your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family.
- You keep the problems in your relationship a secret.
Additionally, if you’ve formed a trauma bond with your abuser, you might try to justify their actions. For example, if they physically harm you, you might say it’s your fault because you did something to upset them. You’ll always find reasons for their behavior, believing it’s your fault and not theirs.
In a love-hate relationship, you might feel trapped. You want to leave, but it’s difficult, or you feel unable to do so. Your partner can damage your self-esteem and manipulate you into thinking you’re the problem, making you believe that only they can truly love you.
Absence of Affection
In a love-hate relationship, true closeness is hard to achieve. You can’t fully trust your boyfriend to open up, and there’s a lack of mutual respect.
Real intimacy requires being open and vulnerable with your partner. But if your boyfriend has mixed feelings – loving you one moment and hating you the next – it’s tough to be open because you’re unsure when he might change his attitude.
Even if he shows love at times, you can’t address relationship issues without fear in this situation. Real intimacy involves talking without worrying about criticism, but in a love-hate relationship, your boyfriend tends to judge and find faults in everything you do.
Deep down, you might feel he dislikes you, even when he appears to love you. If you’re in a love-hate relationship, experiencing genuine intimacy can be a real challenge.
Resolving Love-Hate Relationship Issues
If someone has mixed feelings about you, both liking and disliking you, it’s best to step off the emotional roller coaster and seek a more stable relationship.
It’s important to understand that not all love-hate relationships can be repaired, and sometimes the best option is to end the relationship.
Strengthening Your Safety Net
If you’re in a love-hate relationship and find it hard to talk to your partner, especially when things are tough, it’s essential to have some close friends you can trust. These friends can be there for you when you’re going through difficult times.
Also, having a reliable group of friends can provide the support you need to leave a harmful relationship. Surprisingly, a love-hate relationship can be emotionally abusive, and a strong support system can help you break free from it.
Professional Counseling Services
If your boyfriend both loves and hates you, it’s a complicated situation. It can be really helpful to talk to a relationship therapist. They can assist you in understanding what’s going on in your relationship and how to make it better.
A therapist can also help your boyfriend deal with the issues causing these conflicting feelings. Sometimes, people learn to express love and hate in this way because of their upbringing, and a therapist can help them change this pattern.
In some cases, if your love-hate relationship is because of a strong connection formed through difficult experiences (trauma bonding), a therapist can help you break that connection and give you tools to have healthier relationships.
Furthermore, a therapist can work with you to rebuild your self-esteem, which may have been damaged by your partner. In a love-hate relationship, your partner can make you believe that only they can love you, and this mindset needs to change.
Self-esteem
In a love-hate relationship, your partner might make you feel like you’re not valuable and that only they can love you. This can make you become attached to this unhealthy relationship.
But if your partner has mixed feelings of both liking and disliking you, it’s important to remember your self-worth. Think about who you were before getting into this up-and-down relationship.
If you grew up in an environment that made you more likely to have love-hate relationships, understand that you deserve love. You deserve to be loved just the way you are, and you should be accepted.
You are valuable just as you are. You don’t have to be perfect for them to love you.
Furthermore, loving yourself is crucial to breaking free from a love-hate relationship. When you love yourself, you set an example for how others should treat you.
If you don’t love yourself enough, you might accept being treated badly by your partner.
Healthy Relationship Boundaries
In love-hate relationships, it’s common for people to not have clear rules about what’s okay and what’s not. To make things better in such a relationship, you should set some fair rules.
For instance, talk to your boyfriend about what you both want from the relationship, how much you can give, and what you expect to receive in return.
Stick to these rules and also be mindful of what your partner wants. And when you set these rules, make sure there are consequences if someone breaks them.
Lastly, make sure your rules are clear and consistent.
Remember, it might take a while to get used to these rules, even in better relationships, so you have to be patient and be willing to change the way you’re used to doing things.
Attachment Issues in Relationships
If you’re in a love-hate relationship and find it hard to let go, it’s important to address your attachment problems. Try to figure out why you feel connected to this person, even if the relationship is troubled. Is it because you’re scared of being rejected? This fear of rejection might make you want to stay with them, even if the relationship isn’t good, because you worry that no one else will love you.
Once you work on these attachment issues, you can build better, healthier relationships with others.
End the relationship
I understand it’s not always easy, but sometimes the best thing to do in a love-hate relationship is to stop playing the game. If your partner both loves and hates you, it’s best to end the relationship.
You deserve to be with someone who loves you consistently, not just when it suits them. Always remember that you are deserving of love and respect. If your boyfriend doesn’t provide this, it’s important to walk away from the relationship.
Love-hate relationships can be hard to break free from, especially if you’re emotionally attached. But it’s crucial to leave while you still can. If you’ve formed a strong emotional bond due to the ups and downs, it might be more challenging to leave, but you must do it for your own well-being.
Don’t forget, you are worthy of love, respect, and a better relationship.
Signs he hates you but loves you psychology
Conclusion
Love-hate relationships are really frustrating. Sometimes, the person seems to care about you, and other times, they act like they don’t. These kinds of relationships aren’t healthy and can cause bigger problems in the future.
If a guy is in a love-hate situation with you, there are some signs to watch out for. These signs include going through a cycle of breaking up and making up, thinking that fights are somehow romantic, or him doing things to harm your happiness. Your friends and family might also be concerned about your relationship.
Furthermore, if your boyfriend is emotionally distant, you’re unsure about where the relationship is heading, you hardly talk to each other, or you feel like you have to be very careful about what you say and do, these can be signs that he has mixed feelings.
If you both have a strong connection due to difficult experiences, he’s very possessive, or you lack real closeness, it’s another indication of a love-hate relationship.
If you find yourself in such a relationship, it’s a good idea to talk to a therapist, build a support system, work on any personal issues related to attachment, and establish clear boundaries.
Remember, if he’s treating you poorly while also claiming to love you, it’s important to value yourself. You deserve unconditional love and respect, and you should seek better treatment.
If your boyfriend doesn’t change and continues to treat you poorly, it may be best to end the relationship. You deserve someone who truly loves you. If you can’t find that in your current relationship, it’s better to move on and find someone who will treat you better.